The calendar says Spring, the ice cream stands are back in full swing, forecasters are still threatening snow, and I've spent the better part of the month, huddled in tiny chairs at school related functions. I'm talking about kids' performances, competitions, and award presentations.
It's a part of the parenting process, attending events to watch and listen to your child recite, perform, compete, and share. I love it. I live for it. I never tire of watching my children take a stage, a ball field, an ice rink, a volleyball court, and show the world, okay, a small group of parents, what they can do. Simultaneously, these events also incite a rant. Every. Year.
After years of attending countless events, I often find myself distracted by what can only be summed up as the decline of the human race. I am not exaggerating. Do you remember that old movie, A Street Car Named Desire'? You know, the one where Marlon Brando stands in the middle of the street yelling, 'STELLA!' That's what it's like to attend an elementary school performance these days. At a recent event, the man sitting near me, caught a glimpse of his child and every time he spotted her, let out a painful yell.
Clearly, he was a member of the RULES DO NOT APPLY TO ME club. They really should start wearing their club t-shirts, so I can avoid sitting near them. Because, a few nights later, I was plopped beside an entire family, who I would assume, are executive board members of said club.
At this event, children and parents were squeezed into a small classroom, to celebrate students' reading accomplishments, and watch as they answered questions based on books they had read. Attendees were asked to refrain from eating, drinking, and of course, talking during the event. Yea, see, members of the RULES DO NOT APPLY TO ME club, don't really have time to read those memos. So, you will find them chatting to one another through the important announcements, loudly opening snack bags and sandwiches, and of course discussing an important email that one just sent to the other. They spoke so loud, I don't think they could hear my loud, deliberate sighs I was throwing in their direction.
This event concluded in the bleacher- lined gym, where all participants were to be presented with their awards. That is, unless you belong to the RULES DO NOT APPLY TO ME club. Then, of course, you can interrupt the presentation in order to collect your child and head out to the crowded parking lot, where you will refuse to allow others to merge into your lane. Because, clearly, you are the only one who needs to make a left turn out of this mess.
I get it. You. Are. Important.
And I? Will see you next year.